I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Even my vagina gasped.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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