ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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