I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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