Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
