Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
