I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
