I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize