before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
