Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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