he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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