yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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