Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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