coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
