do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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