So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
