yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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