yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
