Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
