found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
