the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
