It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize