The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
