Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
