I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
