I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
