Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize