But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
