you guys were way drunker than both of me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
