dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
