These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
