Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
