So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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