he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
