When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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