i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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