My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
