did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
