I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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