I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is it penis luge time yet?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
