i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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