Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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