can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
