How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
