Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
