You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize