Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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