if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize