I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
