you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
God, I missed his penis.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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