just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
