sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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