You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
