smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
