even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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