My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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