I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
