break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
