he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
