you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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