We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
