So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.