Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
