dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?