I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
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His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.