a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.